Two days have passed since the day of India's results and it still seems unreal. It still seems impossible. That turmoil, that intense feeling in the stomach, that feeling where you feel like you got punched in the guts, is still as strong as the brightest of fires. I see Pakistan playing and I can feel this deep loathing, intense hatred and anger inside of me.
I know it is my fault. I know I am too invested in the game. I know I take things personally. I know that I treat my team as family. But I also know that what happened at the world cup this year is not fair and questions the very meaning of humanity. Cricket is one thing which filled me with positive thoughts, with hope, with burning brightness, with joy, with love. And when that game makes me question the very basis of my existence, it scares me to no extent. I am more scared than angry. If Pakistan wins, if they lift the trophy, then I know that Humanity is lost, that the bad has won, that good was not good enough.
I spoke to my mom after the match. She is one person whom I can speak to about cricket and who will listen an understand and empathize. She has seen worse. She has seen evil. She was once a die hard fan of cricket and to some extent, still is. She has cried over matches, she has stayed awake just to see Kapil Dev bat, in the middle of the night, she has heard the running commentary of matches in radios when TV was a dream. She even had a scrap book of all the series and all the matches played during the 80's. I still don't forgive her for letting it go. I still don't understand how my grand mom could throw something that precious away, just because my mom got married. That thought plagues me day in and day out. I will preserve my scrap books for ever, for my children and theirs and most importantly for myself. Those are the memories of what happened in the past, of times when India won, of beautiful occasions like the World T20 2007, World cup 2011 ans so on. When I am upset or angry about something, I will look at it and with tears, feel happy that we once won, we once showed the world who we truly are and what we are capable of.
I know I got this love for the game from my mom and I can't thank my mom enough. I will for ever cherish the memories and happiness that it has given me.
The time will come when good wins over the evil and when justice is sought. There will come a day when Cheating will not fill the purses. There will come a day when humanity will take the front seat. I will wait for that day, for ever.
I hate talking about the game or anything that happened in any match to anybody. I know it is my short coming but I am happy with that. I feel that it is too personal for me to talk about it. A protective feeling takes over when I try to talk about it. Very few people have actually heard me speak of the game. And now you are one of them.
Aishwarya Kumar.
I know it is my fault. I know I am too invested in the game. I know I take things personally. I know that I treat my team as family. But I also know that what happened at the world cup this year is not fair and questions the very meaning of humanity. Cricket is one thing which filled me with positive thoughts, with hope, with burning brightness, with joy, with love. And when that game makes me question the very basis of my existence, it scares me to no extent. I am more scared than angry. If Pakistan wins, if they lift the trophy, then I know that Humanity is lost, that the bad has won, that good was not good enough.
I spoke to my mom after the match. She is one person whom I can speak to about cricket and who will listen an understand and empathize. She has seen worse. She has seen evil. She was once a die hard fan of cricket and to some extent, still is. She has cried over matches, she has stayed awake just to see Kapil Dev bat, in the middle of the night, she has heard the running commentary of matches in radios when TV was a dream. She even had a scrap book of all the series and all the matches played during the 80's. I still don't forgive her for letting it go. I still don't understand how my grand mom could throw something that precious away, just because my mom got married. That thought plagues me day in and day out. I will preserve my scrap books for ever, for my children and theirs and most importantly for myself. Those are the memories of what happened in the past, of times when India won, of beautiful occasions like the World T20 2007, World cup 2011 ans so on. When I am upset or angry about something, I will look at it and with tears, feel happy that we once won, we once showed the world who we truly are and what we are capable of.
I know I got this love for the game from my mom and I can't thank my mom enough. I will for ever cherish the memories and happiness that it has given me.
The time will come when good wins over the evil and when justice is sought. There will come a day when Cheating will not fill the purses. There will come a day when humanity will take the front seat. I will wait for that day, for ever.
I hate talking about the game or anything that happened in any match to anybody. I know it is my short coming but I am happy with that. I feel that it is too personal for me to talk about it. A protective feeling takes over when I try to talk about it. Very few people have actually heard me speak of the game. And now you are one of them.
Aishwarya Kumar.
This is one of the MOST beautiful things I've ever read. I love it and I agree with you. I don't want my hope, faith and belief to be torn apart due to these cheaters, it makes my heart bleed. I can't see them like this. I love my team, I'm so protective and defensive of them. I hate the Pakistani fans. I know some of them aren't bad, but a lot of them are the kind of sick jokes they crack, yikes!
ReplyDeleteI hope we don't play much against them, because we are GOOD and we don't play with cheaters. They need money so they'll come running to us, but they don't deserve the privilege to play with THE TEAM INDIA. They never did, and they never will. I hope they get banned from playing the game, so that they can shove their dirty politics and mind games up someone else's ass.
I don't know how to comfort you, because I know you can't be comforted at this moment. I know the feeling and I'm here. We'll get through these testing and tiring times together.
And I hate it when people say don't take it to heart, or don't take it seriously. People like you and me get attached and as much as it makes me sad at times, it gives me SO much joy, that I can't explain.
Thank you man. Yes,I know. I understand.
DeleteThank you for being there.
Anytime.
DeleteIt is soooooooooo Pathetic From Pakistan ( especially their fans :@ ) Itz a total disgrace for greats like Waze and Waquar :( :@
DeleteHey Aishwarya-
ReplyDeleteI just want to tell you that your work is amazing. I read a few of your pieces and I must say your a fantastic writer.
The piece was so moving and it just shows how much you love the game.
Your a voice for many of us fans and I hope everything you wrote comes true and in that good prevails over evil! :)
Thank you so much Sanjana! I am glad you liked it. I hope so too. :)
DeleteIt will Aishwarya! You know Evil is limited, it is easy and takes the short cuts, doesn't put in effort, does fight everyday, doesn't have soul or passion whereas Good does! So when all is said and done Evil will have nothing to show for it's success but Good will have a whole journey of pain, sweat, tears and that's what will make the victory bigger and better.
DeleteYa, that is true. Thank you. :)
DeleteAishu , I Totally understand , it is surely hard to digest . The way i see is that T20 is just a very small thing Aishu , one their day a UAE team can also defeat as Strong southafrican side @ the Wanderers , if just a batsman and a spinner clicks. the format is like that . That is the reason why i dont bother or judge teams by T20 performance . Team India is a really great super power now and will only grow from here . There is noo need to lose heart . Test matches are more IMPORTANT and ODIs also .
ReplyDeleteOkay, I understand. :)
DeleteThis was beautiful, and I know how much it'd hurt. This was straight from the heart, and really really beautiful :D
ReplyDeleteWell written and wonderfully expressed Aishwarya.
ReplyDeleteOne of your most amazing pieces :') Really proud :") I know it is not something you can ever get. Not something you can get over. You cannot move on from it I know, but you move forward with it. You know the team better than anyone I know and so you know that we will bounce back. So do not fear, we shall mope about it together :P yes I am not leaving you alone :D So ya it was amazing, genuinely.
ReplyDeleteRachna, Veena aunty and Paro: Thank you so much. :) Means a lot. :D
ReplyDeleteAishu,
ReplyDeleteI have never felt this deeply about cricket since I was 10. That was the last time. India Australia world cup. After that, cricket and I were history.
I can never understand most things you have expressed here. But I can only relate this kind of passion to something I m passionate about. Though I understand the degree of passion you ve got in you, I can't understand cricket. But you ve got me wishing that I could. You ve got me wishing that I could share this with you.
I love the fact that mom and you talk about it, I think that is the most beautiful in all that you ve written here. It reminds of how me and amma can cry over things.
Keep writing. Probably, you'd inspire me enough to watch te next match :P
Shruthiii,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. I would be the happiest person if my blog makes you get back to cricket. I would be really happy if you could discuss it with me. Mother-daughter bond is the most beautiful and I am happy I have it. I will keep writing.
Aishu.